And the walls came tumbling down…… 

One of the aspects of ceremonial that featured regularly during my time at Fisgard was a gathering known as “Evening Quarters”.   This was a sort of poor man’s divisions where the apprentices would fall in on the parade ground in working clothes for a short inspection and to receive any special announcements or orders for the following day or, at the appropriate time of year, the “Colours” ceremony.  Evening Quarters demonstrated a strange mixture of degrees of formality.  Working clothes were worn but that was not an excuse for a slovenly appearance.  They had to be clean, and if they had been repaired the repairs were expected to be neatly done.  Similarly, parade ground protocols were followed.  Dressing by the left, or right, as appropriate – heads up, stomachs in – and marching smartly off the parade ground when dismissed.  Unlike divisions, Evening Quarters were not anticipated with trepidation but the need to attend was sometimes an irritation to rebellious young men hungry for their tea. 

Talking of tea reminds me that, in 1949 and for the following year or two, rationing of food was still in force.  This applied as much to the Royal Navy as to the civilian population and one of the first things we had to do on joining HMS Fisgard was to hand in our ration books to the authorities.   Rationing meant that the preparation of  food often required rather more imagination that the average naval “chef” could muster in those days.  Suffice it to say that the Fisgard mess-hall would never have made it into Egon Ronay’s Good Food Guide – or into any Good Food Guide for that matter.  Nevertheless the chefs could, on occasion, provide a surprise such as “cheesy-hammy-eggy-topside”, a supper dish comprising a slice of toast carrying a piece of ham or bacon, sprinkled with cheese which was then grilled and topped with a fried egg.  That used to go down well in my recollection.  Most of the time, however, the chefs had to pull a rabbit out of the hat and, indeed, rabbit stew was regularly on the menu probably because rabbits did not fall into the category of rationed food.   I suppose that it is in the nature of things for hungry young men to grouse about their food and the ability of its preparers.   But I must say that I think we all had justification to grouse about the beverage, purporting to be tea, that was served up in the mess-hall.  At strategic points around the mess-hall were placed large cube shaped urns that held about twenty gallons of a strange orange-coloured brew.  It looked vaguely like tea but it had an unusual metallic after-taste that came as a shock the first time that it was sampled.   The rumour was that the tea was laced with bromide in an endeavour to keep our thoughts pure - or the libido manageable.  That may have had some truth in an establishment peopled by hundreds of young male adolescents but it is doubtful if many of them drank any quantity of the awful stuff.  The vittles that appealed most to apprentices were those that were generally in short supply and that had not been interfered with by the catering staff.  Tea was a popular meal therefore because it was simple.  Bread topped with butter or margarine, known collectively as grease, and jam.  If you were lucky!   There was rarely enough to go round and those that gained access to their mess table first were the most likely to get a reasonable helping of all that was on offer.  Those that arrived late would be lucky to get anything other than a slice or two of bread because once the table’s rations had been exhausted there could be no replenishment.  Apprentices who attempted an Oliver Twist act would receive short shrift from catering staff and mess-hall gobbies. 

This brings me to one “Evening Quarters” during the summer of 1949.   As usual most apprentices had prepared themselves for the tea-time rush to the mess-hall by placing their cutlery, “eating irons”, in their trouser pockets where they would be out of site of the eagle-eyed divisional petty officers.    On completion of the parade the divisions were turned right and left to face the centre of the parade ground and then marched off, wheeling right and left to turn into the main thoroughfare leading down to the main gate.   It was there that parade ground protocol ended.  Once on the thoroughfare the apprentices broke into a run in order to arrive at the mess-hall amongst the vanguard.   It wasn’t so much a run as a stampede, racing pell-mell down the slope, wheeling left into the road in front of the mess-hall, then up the steps to the doors closest to their usual mess table.   And there, horror of horrors, the doors were closed and barred.  This was unprecedented.   Normally the doors were wide open so the apprentices could stream in and disperse to their tables.  Not today though.  The leaders banged on the doors to gain access and those at the rear, thinking that they might gain a place or two, pushed hard to get further up the dozen or so steps.  The result was a frightening, heaving jam of humanity on the steps, crushing those in the front, and to which latecomers added their weight as they arrived on the scene.  All sets of steps were similarly affected but it was on the East steps that a drama unfolded.  With a loud crack one of the walls at the side of the steps gave way and dozens of boy arts tumbled over in a welter of arms and legs.  Those nearest the top, and with furthest to fall, were actually the luckiest because they had an opportunity to attempt a leap to clear the mixture of bricks and bodies writhing on the flower beds below.  That there were no life threatening injuries was little short of a miracle but with the habit of  carrying cutlery in trouser pockets there were a number of boys carried to the sick bay with various parts of their lower anatomy impaled with a pusser’s fork.  It is thus that legends and rules are made.  History does not record whether any of the injured boys had their future marital duties permanently affected but it was certainly the case that the carrying of cutlery in pockets to Evening Quarters was strictly forbidden thereafter.  

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